From the March 2008 Seabreeze News:
| Sometimes being a blonde isn't easy, especially if you're cooking... MONDAY It's fun to cook for Bob. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls. TUESDAY Bob wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Bob brought a friend home for supper. WEDNESDAY A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kinda of silly but I took a bath. I can't say it improved the rice any. THURSDAY Today Bob asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Which is what led up to Bob asking me why I was rolling around in the garden. FRIDAY I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put all ingredients in bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left. SATURDAY Bob did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday (oh boy). For some reason Bob keeps counting to ten. SUNDAY Bob's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast. All I could find was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment. GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY This has been a very exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Bob. If we could just get a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with Chocolate Moose. Lawyer jokes: Q. Why won't sharks attack lawyers? A. Professional courtesy. Q. Why is going to a meeting of the Bar Association like going into a bait shop? A. Because of the abundance of suckers, leeches, worms and night crawlers. How to ditch a bad date: Blind dates are just plain scary when you meet them and discover they are exactly NOT what you were hoping for. Here’s some techniques for ditching them: Pull out a harmonica and play blues songs when your date begins talking about himself/herself. Eat everything on your plate within 30 seconds of it being placed in front of you. Ask for crayons to color the placemat. You'll need to be extra persuasive in fancier restaurants with linen tablecloths. Stand up every five minutes, circle your table with your arms outstretched, and make airplane sounds. After getting your food slide under the table. Take your plate with you. Order a baked potato. When the waiter brings your food, hide the potato, wait a few minutes, and ask the waiter for the potato you "never got". When the waiter returns with another potato, have the first one back on your plate. If they are paying, order the most expensive thing on the menu. Take one bite, pretend like the food is disgusting and say, "Man, did you get ripped off!" The ten most common lies people tell: The check is in the mail. I'm from your government, and I am here to help you. You get this one, I'll buy the next one. Drinking? Why, no, Officer. It's not the money, it's the principle of the thing. Don't worry, he's never bitten anyone. I'll call you later. I've never done anything like this before. It's supposed to make that noise. I’ll pay you back on Friday. |
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