Natural Selection
A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted; it is the slowest and the weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular attrition of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine, this why your always smarter after a few beers.

Bar Warning
Police warn all male drinkers, partygoers and unsuspecting bar regulars to be more alert and cautious when accepting a drink offer from a girl. There is a date rape drug going around called "beer" and it appears in liquid form. The drug is being used by female sexual predators at parties to convince male victims to have sex with them. "Beer" is available virtually anywhere. All girls have to do is persuade a guy to consume a few units of "beer" and simply ask him home for no-strings-attached sex. Men are rendered helpless against such attacks. After several "beers" men will often succumb to performing sex acts on horrific looking women whom they would never normally be attracted to. Men often wake up after having "beer" with only hazy memories of what happened to them the night before, just a vague feeling that something bad occurred. At other times these unfortunate men might be conned into a familiar scam known as "a relationship" -apparently men are easier victims for this scam after the "beer" has been administered and they have already been sexually attacked.

Door-to-Door Sales Crap
An enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new territory. He knocks, a real mean and tough looking lady opens the door, and before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps cow patties all over the carpet. He says, "Lady, if this vacuum cleaner don't do wonders cleaning this up, I'll eat every chunk of it." She turns to him with a smirk and says, "You want ketchup on that?" The salesman says, "Why do you ask?" She says, "We just moved in and we haven't got the electricity turned on yet."

The Aging Explorer
A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the old man to tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had. The old explorer said, "Once I was hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles of India. I was on a narrow path and my faithful native gunbearer was behind me. Suddenly the largest tiger I have ever seen leaped onto the path in front of us. I turned to get my weapon only to find the native had fled. The tiger leapt toward me with a mighty ROARRRR! I soiled myself." The reporter said, "Under those circumstances anyone would have done the same." The old explorer said, "No, not then - just now when I went "'ROARRRR!'"

Welfare Office
A guy walks into the welfare office, marches up to counter, and says, "Hi… you know, I just hate drawing welfare. I'd rather have a job." The welfare worker says, "Your timing is excellent! We just got a job opening from a wealthy older gentleman who needs a chauffeur and bodyguard for his daughter, who happens to be a supermodel, and a nymphomaniac. The starting salary is $200,000 a year." The guy says, "Your bullshitting!" The welfare worker says, "Well… you started it."

Hot Revenge
Two missionaries in Africa were apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large pot of water, built a huge fire under it, and left them there. A few minutes later, one of the missionaries started to laugh uncontrollably. The other missionary couldn't believe it! He said, ''What's wrong with you? We're being boiled alive! They're gonna eat us! What could possibly be funny at a time like this?'' The other missionary replied, ''I just peed in the soup!''

Uncle Ted's Special Skill
Joe loved golf, but his eyesight had gotten so bad, that he couldn't find his ball once he'd hit it. He consulted with his wife, and she recommended that Joe bring along her uncle Ted. Joe said, "But Ted is 80 years old and half senile!" His wife replied, "Yes, but his eyesight is incredible." Joe finally agreed and took Ted along. He teed off and could feel that he had hit it solidly. He asked Ted, "Do you see it?" Ted nodded his head and said, "Boy, that was a beautiful shot!" Joe excitedly asked, "Well, where did it land?" Ted said, "Hmmm. I forget."