One day a sailor was driving over the Fred Hartman Bridge, when he saw an attractive blonde chick standing on the railing. He stopped and asked her what she was doing up there.
"I'm going to jump" she said. "I'm living with an asshole; I lost my job; and my family is a bunch of dysfunctional misfits. I'm just tired of everything. I want to die."
The sailor felt compassion for the chick. "Look" he said, "I'm assigned to a ship that is heading to Australia in the morning. I could stow you away and take you to Australia, and you can start a new life. It's a wonderful place, and they like American women there. You'll do great there. I'll bring you food every day and you can 'take care' of me. How does that sound?"
Having nothing to lose, she agreed. That night he sneaked her aboard, and hid her in a rope locker. Every day he would bring her food and water, and have sex with her. About 3 weeks into the voyage, the First Mate happened to open the rope locker. He caught her.
"What are you doing in here?" he demanded.
"I made friends with one of the sailors" she explained. "He's taking me to Australia".
"What does he get out of the deal?" the incredulous First Mate asked.
"He's screwing me" she admitted.
"Screwing isn't the word for it, lady" the mate replied. "Do you know what the name of this ship is? It's called the Bolivar Ferry!"

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A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no males employed there. She then asked if she could help the gentleman. The man said that it was something that he would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist. The female pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional and whatever it was that he needed to discuss, he could be confident that she would treat him with the highest level of professionalism. The man agreed and began by saying, "This is tough for me to discuss, but I have a permanent erection. It causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment. So I was wondering what you could give me for it."
The pharmacist said, "Just a minute, I'll have to go talk to my sister for a minute."
When she returned, she said, "We discussed it at length and the absolute best we can do is, 1/3 ownership in the store, a company car, and $3,000 a month living expenses."

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Jane was a first time contestant on the $65,000 quiz show, where you have to answer questions to win the cash prize. Luck was on her side, as Jane had gained a substantial lead over her opponents. She even managed to win the game, but unfortunately, time had run out before the show's host could ask her the big question. Needless to say, Jane agreed to return the following day. Jane was nervous and fidgety as her husband drove them home.
"I've just got to win tomorrow. I wish I knew what the question was. You know I'm not going to sleep at all tonight. I will probably look like garbage tomorrow!"
"Relax, honey," her husband Roger reassured her. "It will all be okay."
Ten minutes after they arrived home, Roger grabbed the car keys and started heading out the door.
"Where are you going?" Jane asked.
"I have a little errand to run. I should be back soon," he replied.
Jane waited impatiently for Roger's return. After an agonizing three-hour absence, Roger returned, sporting a very wide and wicked grin. "Honey, I managed to get tomorrow's question and answer!"
"What is it?" she cried excitedly.
"Okay. The question is: 'What are the three main parts of the male anatomy?' And the answer is 'The head, the heart and the penis.'"
Shortly after that, the couple went to sleep, with Jane, now feeling confident and at ease, plummeting into a deep and restful slumber. At 3:30 in the morning, however, Jane was shaken awake by Roger, who was asking her the quiz show question.
"The head, the heart and the penis," Jane replied groggily before returning to sleep.
And Roger asked her again in the morning, this time as Jane was brushing her teeth. Once again, Jane replied correctly. So it was that Jane was once again on the set of the quiz show. Even though she knew the question and answer, she could feel the butterflies conquering her stomach and nervousness running through her veins.
The cameras began running and the host, after reminding the audience of the previous day's events, faced Jane and asked the big question.
"Jane, for $65,000, what are the main parts of the male anatomy? You have 10 seconds."
"Hmm, uhm, the head?" she said nervously.
"Very good. Six seconds." "Eh, uh, the heart?"
"Very good! Four seconds."
"I, uhh, ooooooohh, darn! My husband drilled it into me last night and I had it on the tip of my tongue this morning..."
"That's close enough," said the game show host, "Congratulations!"

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A bear walks into a bar in Boston. The bear says "gimme a beer" The bartender says "sorry, it's illegal to serve beer to a bear in a bar in Boston".
Bear says "Gimme a beer, or I'll eat the cocktail waitress". Barman says "Too bad, it's still illegal to serve beer to a bear at a bar in Boston". So the bear eats the waitress in two bites, then turns and says "Now, give me a beer before I eat you next!".
The bartender says, "Sorry, I can't serve beer to a bear at a bar in Boston on drugs".
"What the fuck do you mean DRUGS" shouts the angry bear.
"Yep" the bartender says, "That was a bar bitch you ate!"

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