A doctor is doing routine breast examinations on A&M coeds at UTMB. The first girl comes in, takes off her blouse, and as she does, the doctor notices that the girl has a red "H" imprinted in her stomach. After the examination, the doctor asks the girl how the H came about.
"Well," she says, "my boyfriend is a Houston fan, and he's so proud of that he never takes off his "H" belt buckle, not even for sex."
'Fair enough' thinks the doctor as the girl leaves. But the doctor is surprised when the next girl takes off her blouse and has the same thing, except hers is a red "D". again the doctor asks how it came about.
"Well," she says, "my boyfriend is a Dallas fan, and he's so proud that he never takes off his "D" belt buckle, even when we make love."
The doctor is fascinated by this. The next girl enters, takes off her blouse and the doctor sees that on her stomach is a red M.
"Let me guess," says the doctor, "A boyfriend who likes Miami?"
"No," replies the girl, "A girlfriend who likes Washington. Why do you ask?"

A woman runs out of her house one morning and catches a strange little man at the bottom of her garden.
"You're a leprechaun," she says, "I caught you and you owe me three wishes!" "OK, you caught me fair and square, what's your first wish?" "I want a huge mansion to live in." "OK, you've got it." "My second wish is a Mercedes." "OK, you've got that too." "My last wish is a million dollars" "OK, you've got it. But to make your wishes come true you have to have sex tonight with me." "OK then, if that's what it takes"
Next morning the little man wakes her up.
"Tell me," says the man, "how old are you?" "I'm 27", she replies. "Well, I'll be damned", says the man, "and you still believe in leprechauns?"

When the man first noticed that his penis was growing longer, he was delighted. But several weeks and several inches later, he became concerned and went to see a urologist.
While his wife waited outside, the physician examined him and explained that, though rare, his condition could be easily corrected by minor surgery.
The patient's wife anxiously rushed up to the doctor after the examination and was told of the diagnosis and the need for surgery.
"How long will he be on crutches?" she asked. "Crutches???" the surprised doctor asked.
"Well, yes of course," the woman said nonchalantly, "You are going to lengthen his legs, aren't you? "

A man and a woman are sitting next to each other in an airplane. All of a sudden, the man sneezes powerfully. He takes out his handkerchief, opens his zipper, takes out his Willy and after having carefully wiped it, puts it back in and closes the zipper.
The Woman is shocked - but she thinks it wiser not to say anything and tries not to pay any attention whatsoever to this horrifying man.
Then there is a second sneeze, as loud as the first one. And the same routine: Zipper open, Willy out, Wiping, Willy in and Zipper close. That nearly makes the woman sick but she just tries to ignore the whole thing.
After the third sneeze (and the routine) she cannot help but ask:
"Excuse me, Sir, but you have now sneezed three times. And after each time you have taken out your penis and wiped it. May I ask why?"
"Oh - it's a rare medical problem. Every time I sneeze I get an orgasm."
"But that's awful! What do you take for it?"
"Pepper." Answers the man.

An Eskimo bought a Harley and moved to Houston. One day, he was riding his scooter to work and noticed that it was running poorly. He stopped at the repair shop to have them look.
The repairman said, "We're kind of busy right now, but why don't you go across the street to the café and have something to eat, then stop back and see me in an hour."
So the Eskimo went to the café, ate a dish of vanilla ice cream, and returned to the repair shop an hour later. The Eskimo asked the repairman, "What did you find?"
The repairman said, "It looks to me like you've blown a seal."
"Oh no," the Eskimo replied, wiping his mouth, "No, I just had ice cream!"

An alien walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bartender and sticks his finger in the bartenders chest. Then he leaves.
The next day he comes back and once again he walks up to the bartender and sticks his finger in the bartenders chest. Then he leaves.
The next day the alien does it again.
"That's it!" yells the bartender, "If you do that one more time I'm gonna kick your balls!"
The alien, smiling, sticks his finger in the bartenders chest.
The bartender jumps up and sees that the alien has no balls. Bewildered, he asks the alien, "How do you have sex?"
The alien smiles and pokes the bartender in the chest again.

I was looking for a new apartment, so I consulted Nancy Wills. She took me to look at a place. It was a doublewide trailer. "Nancy, I thought you said it was a hi-rise?" I asked. "Oh," she said, "I was referring to the rent! But it does come with hot and cold running."
"Hot and cold running what?"
"I don't know, we haven't been able to catch one of them yet!"
She said I could do the walls any color I want, but I have to supply my own crayons...