Qualifications Men Use to find women:
1- Find a woman that cooks and cleans.
2- Find a woman that makes good money.
3- Find a woman that enjoys having sex.
4- Make sure these 3 women never meet.

Two Cajun shrimpers were always misbehaving and giving their wives a hard time. The wives tried everything to make them behave -- but could do nothing to change their attitudes. Finally the guys were sent to the priest. The first man went in and sat in a chair across the desk from the priest. The priest asked, "Do you know where God is?" The Cajun just sat there. The priest stood up and asked again, "My son, do you know where God is?" The coonass trembled but still said nothing. The priest leaned across the desk and said loudly, "I'm sure you know where God is!"
The Cajun bolted out of the chair and ran past his friend in the waiting room, all the way to the bayou. He got in his pirogue and started untying the lines to cast off. His friend, who had followed him, asked, "Fontenot, wha' happen in dere?" The man replied, "Hop in an less git. God is missin and they tink we done it!"

It was the first day of school and the teacher thought she'd get to know the kids by asking them their names and what their fathers did for a living.
The first little girl said, "My name is Mary and my daddy is a postman."
The next little boy said, "I'm Andy and my Dad is a mechanic."
It was then little Johnny's turn and he said "My name is Johnny and my father is a striptease dancer in a cabaret for gay men."
The teacher gasped and quickly moved on, but later, in the schoolyard, the teacher approached Johnny privately and asked if it was really true that his Dad dances nude in a gay bar.
Little Johnny blushed and said, "Nah, he's really an executive at Enron, but I was just too embarrassed to say so."

Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit lived in the same forest, but they didn't like each other very much. One day, while walking through the woods, they came across a golden frog. They were amazed when the frog spoke to them. The golden frog admitted that he didn't meet anyone often, but when he did, he always gave them six wishes, so he told them that they could have three wishes each.
Mr. Bear immediately wished that all the other bears in the forest were females. The frog granted his wish. Mr. Rabbit, after thinking for a while, wished for a helmet. One appeared immediately and he placed it on his head.
Mr. Bear was amazed at Mr. Rabbit's wish, but carried on with his second wish. He wished that all the bears in the neighboring forests were females as well, and the frog granted his wish. Mr. Rabbit then wished for a motorcycle. It appeared before him, and he climbed on and started revving the engine.
Mr. Bear could not believe it and complained that Mr. Rabbit had wasted two wishes that he could have had for himself. Shaking his head, Mr. Bear made his final wish, that all the other bears in the world were females as well, leaving him as the only male bear in the world. The frog replied that it had been done, and they turned to Mr. Rabbit for his last wish.
Mr. Rabbit revved the engine, thought for a second, then said, "I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!" and rode off as fast as he could.

There were three explorers, hiking through what is now known as Canada.
"You know," said one of the explorers, "we should name this place we're hiking through."
"I know," said the second explorer. "We'll each pick a letter and then make a name out of that."
"Okay," said the third, "I'll go first. C, eh."
"N, eh."
"D, eh." And that's how Canada was named...

One time, back in the day, a boy named Johnny was walking to school with his girlfriend. He was trying to impress her, so he said, "I bet you I can push my father's outhouse into the river."
She didn't agree with him, so he proved her wrong. Impressed, she walked the rest of the way to school hand in hand with Johnny. That day at school, they studied the story of George Washington and the cherry tree. The moral they learned was "never tell a lie."
After school, Johnny went home. When he walked in the door, his dad met him. He said, "Son, did you push my outhouse into the river?"
Johnny said, "Dad, I want to be like George Washington and never lie. Yes, I did."
And his dad smacked him from one end of the house to the other. You could have read the newspaper off of Johnny's rear-end.
After Johnny was finished sobbing, he asked, "Dad, why did you whoop me? I didn't lie. George Washington cut down the cherry tree and didn't lie about it, and he didn't get a whooping."
Johnny's dad looked at him and said, "There's a difference, son. I bet George Washington's daddy wasn't sitting in that cherry tree when he cut it down, was he?"