SILVER FOX:
Ever wonder why the letters A, B, C, D, E, and F are used to define bra sizes?
A - Almost Boobs   B - Barely there   C - Can Do   D - Damn good   E - Enormous   F - Fake

THE RAMBLIN ROSE: An Indian, a Rabbi, the Pope, an Italian, and an Irishman all walk into a bar together and sit down. The bartender looks at all 5 of them and says,
"What is this... some kind of joke?"

WAYNOS:
A man and his wife went to the company Christmas party and the man had a little too much to drink. The next morning, he staggers down the stairs, completely hung over, and makes his way to the breakfast bar. His wife pours him a cup of coffee.
With his head in his hand, he asks "Damn, honey, what happened last night?"
She replies, "It wasn't a pretty sight."
He asks, "What do you mean?"
"Well," she replies, "you were not on your best behavior and your boss was extremely upset."
"He was?" he moans.
"Yes," she replies, "he sure was."
"Aahhh, PISS ON HIM!" he says.
"You did," she replies. "Honey, you got fired last night."
"I got fired?" he questions.
"Yes," she answers "you got fired"
"Aahhh, SCREW HIM!" he says.
She replies, "I did, you start back Monday morning!"

PELICANS:
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol...
May leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra.
May make you think you are whispering when you are not.
Is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
May cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
May cause you to think you can sing.
May lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to phone them at 4am.
May make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in a severe a**-kicking.
Is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns.
May lead you to believe you are invisible and/or bulletproof.
MARIBELLES:
A group of people decide to prove that blondes are not really dumb. For this reason, they gather 5,000 natural blondes at the Astrodome. A guy who's hosting the show randomly picks out one blonde and asks her to come down to the center. They are standing onstage at the microphone as he asks her:
"What's two times two?"
"Five", answers the blonde and smiles.
The guy shakes his head, but the whole stadium shouts, "Give her another chance, give her another chance!"
Then the guy asks her, "What's three times three?"
"Eight", answers the blonde proudly.
The guy is about to let her return to her seat, but the whole stadium starts to shout again, "Give her another chance, give her another chance!"
So the guy asks her one more question. "What's four times four?"
"Sixteen", answers the blonde shyly.
Before the guy expresses his reaction, the whole stadium starts to shout, "Give her one more chance, give her one more chance!"

GOOD TIMES:
Kids Books That Failed To Sell:
You're Different -- And That's Bad
The Boy Who Died from Eating His Vegetables
Dad's New Wife Is Named Mike
Fun Four-Letter Words to Know and Share
The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
Curious George & The High-Voltage Fence
All Cats Go to Hell
The Little Sissy That Snitched
That's It, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption
Grandpa Gets A Casket
101 Things You Can Do at the Bottom of the Pool
The Magic World Inside Abandoned Refrigerators
Ruling the Playground: Respect Through Fear
The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
Strangers Have the Best Candy
Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way
You Were an Accident
Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
Your Nightmares Are Real
Where Would You Like to be Buried?
You've Got Hepatitis B, Charlie Brown
Herbert The Pervert Likes Sherbet

SLICES:
A dog walks into a bar. He hops up on a bar stool and puts his front paws on the bar. He looks the bartender right in the eye and says, "Hey, guess what? I'm a talking dog. Have you ever seen a talking dog before? How about a drink for the talking dog?"
The bartender thinks for a moment and says, "Alright. The toilet's right around the corner."