HEARD AT PELICANS:
A large oil field in Oklahoma suffers a disaster in the form of
a huge rig fire. The foreman, desperate to curtail the blaze,
thumbs through the phone book for Red Adair's number (Red is a
famous oil-firefighter). Foreman finds the number, calls, and is
told that Red is unavailable, since he's fighting an off-shore
rig fire in Southern California.
Desperate, the foreman returns to the book and finds, listed
under Red Adair, a "Red Abear - Cajun firefighter," advertising
rig fire services at $100 per hour. Since this is CONSIDERABLY
cheaper than Adair anyway, the guy calls and describes the
situation. He is assured that someone will be on the scene
within the hour.
True to his word, within 45 minutes the foreman sees a vehicle
approaching the scene of the blaze at top speed. As it gets
closer, he notes that it is a grungy '68 pickup, with a load of
cajuns in the back. Without slowing, the pickup drives directly
into the middle of the fire, everyone in the back jumps out with
soaking-wet blankets, and with intense screaming and running
around, proceed to beat out the fire completely in under 2
minutes.
Red approaches the foreman and gives him a bill for $100 (one
hour minimum) The foreman is so impressed, he offers him an
additional $500 bonus for the prompt and effective work. "Man,
dis gone REALLY help," says Red.
"Oh?" says the foreman. "How so?"
"Now I can go buy brakes for dat truck."

HEARD AT ROCK NEUTNEYS:
A man is holding his wife's hand as she lays on her death bed.
"Jerry, I, . . ., I have something to tell you before I pass
on."
"No, no, dear. Everything is forgiven now. All is well."
"No, Jerry. I've been carrying this load for years now, and I
must tell you. I, . . ., I've been unfaithful to you. I slept
with your best friend, Phil. I'm so terribly sorry."
"Yes, dear, I know. Why do you think I poisoned you?"

HEARD AT MURPHYS ON MAIN:
LAPD officer: "We arrested this man beating the shit out of some
poor slob for no reason! What should we charge him with?"
Desk Sergeant: "Impersonating an Officer."

HEARD AT WAYNOS:
A Cajun went to the doctor's office to get his annual checkup.
Half way through the examination, the doctor handed him three
containers and asked him for samples of his urine, stool, and
semen. A bit bewildered, but nonetheless cooperative, the coon-
ass got up off the table, removed his briefs, and handed them to
the doctor.

TEXAS BABY:
A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar and
announced that his wife had just produced a typical Texas baby,
weighing a whooping twenty pounds.
"WOW!" was the response from everyone at the bar.
Two weeks later the Texan returned to the bar. The bartender
recognized him and asked, "Aren't you the father of the baby
that weighed twenty pounds at birth? How much does he weigh
now?"
The proud father answered, "10 pounds."
The bartender said, "Why? I know that babies lose some weight
after birth, but ten pounds? He did weigh twenty pounds, didn't
he? What happened?"
The proud Texas father said, "Just had him circumcised!"