Call a cop:

A blonde arrived home to find that her house had been burgled. She immediately called the cops who sent the nearest patrol in the area, which happened to be a dog handler. Seeing the cop and his dog approach the house, the blonde suddenly busrt into tears.
"What's wrong?" asked the cop.
The blonde sobbed, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen, so I call the police for help, and what they do? They send me a blind policeman!"

Equal Opportunity:

The boss told four of his employees, "We made a heavy loss last quarter, and I'm afraid I'm going to have to let one of you go."
The first, a black man, said, "I'm a protected minority, you can't fire me."
The second said, "Well, I'm a woman. You can't get rid of me."
The third, an old man, said, "And if you fire me, I'll hit you with an age discrimination suit so fast it'll make your head spin!"
All eyes turned on the young, white, male employee who thought for a second before suggesting meekly "I think I might be gay…"

Things invented by blondes:

1. The waterproof towel
2. Solar-powered flashlight
3. A submarine screen door
4. A book on how to read
5. Inflatable dartboard
6. A dictionary index
7. Ejector seat in a helicopter
8. Powdered water
9. Pedal-powered wheelchair
10. The waterproof tea bag

Peach fuzz:

A young girl is sitting in a barber shop with her mother, eating a twinkie, and anxiously awaiting her first hair cut. When her turn comes, she brings her twinkie with her to the chair, and the barber covers her. Soon, she pulls the twinkie out for a bite.
"You're getting hair on your twinkie," the barber playfully warns.
"Yes, I know," replies the girl. "And I'm starting to get tits, too."

Automatic diagnosis:

One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
''Just put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing.
After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks."
Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:
"Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."

Donor compensation:

A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center.
Man: "What are you doing here today?"
Woman: "Oh, I'm here to donate some blood. They're going to give me $5 for it."
Man: "Hmm, that's interesting. I'm here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me $25."
The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some more before going their separate ways. A couple months later, the same man and woman meet again in the donation center.
Man: "Oh, hi there! Here to donate blood again?"
Woman: [shaking her head with mouth closed] "Unh unh."

Politically incorrect:

A contractor hires an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Chinaman. He gathers them all in his office and tells each of them their jobs. The Englishman to shovel a pile of sand. The Irishman has to take the sand in the wheelbarrow to the truck. The Chinaman is in charge of supplies.
The boss comes back two hours later and he sees the Englishman and the Irishman having a cup of tea. ''So have you done the work then?'' he asks.
The workers both shake their heads and tell him that the Chinaman didn't give them a shovel or a wheelbarrow. The boss is infuriated by this and asks the workers if they have seen the Chinaman, they tell him they thought they saw him going toward the truck. So the boss sets out towards the truck and just as he is getting close to the truck the Chinaman jumps out from behind a wall and yells, "SUPPLIES!"