Male Bashing….
Q. Why did the man cross the road?
A. He heard the chicken was a slut.

Q. How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
A. He buys two cases of beer.

Q. How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
A. At the circus the clowns don't talk.

Q. Why do men name their penises?
A. Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the one who makes all their decisions.

Hillbilly joke
Poor Clyde died in a fire and was burnt pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body. So his two best friends, Clem and Zeke, were sent for.
Clem went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Clem said "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over." So the mortician rolled him over and Clem looked and said "Nope, ain't Clyde." The mortician thought that was rather strange. Then he brought Zeke to identify the body and Zeke took a look at him and said "Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll him over." The mortician rolled him over and Zeke looked down and said "No, it ain't Clyde."
The mortician asked "How can you tell?" Zeke said, "Well, Clyde had two assholes." "What? He had two assholes?" said the mortician. Zeke said, "Yup, everyone in town knew he had two assholes. Every time we went to town, folks would say "Here comes Clyde with them two assholes."

Hurry up
A man comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops down on the couch in front of the television, and tells his wife, "Get me a beer before it starts." The wife sighs and gets him a beer. Fifteen minutes later, he says, "Get me another beer before it starts." She looks cross, but fetches another beer and slams it down next to him. He finishes that beer and a few minutes later says, "Quick, get me another beer, it's going to start any minute." The wife is furious. She yells at him "Is that all you're going to do tonight? Drink beer and sit in front of that TV? You're nothing but a lazy, drunken, fat slob, and furthermore …" The man sighs and says, "Too late. It's started …"

Bear in Bacliff
A bear walks into a bar in Bacliff and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer. The bartender approaches and says, "I'm sorry, but it's against the law to serve beer to a bear at a bar in Bacliff."
The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer. The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "it's against the law to serve beer to a bear at a bar in Bacliff."
The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar." The bartender says, "Sorry, but it's against the law to serve beer to a bear at a bar in Bacliff."
The bear goes to the end of the bar, and as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer. The bartender states, "Sorry, but I can't serve a bear on drugs."
The bear says, "What the fuck are you talking about, I'm not on drugs." The bartender says, "You are now. That was a bar bitch you ate."

Somewhere in Alabama:
Half dressed redneck couple sitting on couch watching news on TV with man's arm around woman:
Man: "Lookit them homo-sekshuls a ruining the sanctity of our institution. We oughta go to San Francisco just to show them pussy liberals that marriage means one man, one woman. Right, Darlin'"
Woman: "Right, Daddy"

Missed diagnosis
A guy goes to a doctor and says, "Doc, you've got to help me. My penis is orange." Doctor pauses to think and asks the guy to drop his pants so he can check. Damned if the guy's penis isn't orange. Doc tells the guy, "This is very strange. Sometimes things like this are caused by a lot of stress in a person's life."
Probing as to the causes of possible stress, the doc asks the guy, "How are things going at work?" The guy responds that he was fired about six weeks ago. The doctor tells him that this must be the cause of the stress. Guy responds, "No. The boss was a real asshole, I had to work 20-30 hours of overtime every week and I had no say in anything that was happening. I found a new job a couple of weeks ago where I can set my own hours, I'm getting paid double what I got on the old job and the boss is a really great guy." So the doc figures this isn't the reason.
He asks the guy, "How's your home life?" The guy says, "Well, I got divorced about eight months ago." The doc figures that this has got to be the reason for all of the guys stress. Guy says, "No. For years, all I listened to was nag, nag, nag. God, am I glad to be rid of that old bitch." So the doc takes a few minutes to think a little longer.
He inquires, "Do you have any hobbies or a social life?" The guy replies, "No, not really. Most nights I sit home, watch some porno flicks and munch on Cheetos."

Let's try something different
"Well, dear what's it to be tonight?" said the amorous hubby. "Hmmm … I'm in the mood for something special tonight, how about turkey style?" replied his wife. "Turkey style? I've heard of 'doggy style,' but what in the world is turkey style?" To which the wife replied, "Gobble, gobble, gobble!"