What is the definition of a Lesbian?
What is the definition of a Lesbian?
Just another Damn Woman trying to do a Man’s job!
A man is taking a woman home after their first date. When they get to her door, he asks if he can come inside.
Woman: Absolutely not. I never ask a guy to come in on the first date.
Man: All right then how about on the last date?
A little boy’s first day in school and a teacher was going to play a “guessing” game. She passed out different items to each of the students and proceeded to ask each student what item they received. When it was the new boy, Johnny’s turn, the teacher gave him a candy kiss.
She asked ” Do you know what it is?” Johnny replied “No.” The teacher said, “Go ahead and open it up and taste it.” Little Johnny did so. The teacher then asked, “Now do you know what it is?” Little Johnny said “Noooo.” The teacher said, “I’ll give you a hint….it is something your daddy wants from your mommy every morning before he goes to work.”
A little girl in the back of the class jumps up and screams.
“JOHNNY, SPIT IT OUT……….IT’S A PIECE OF ASS!”
Two prostitutes were walking, when one said, “Girl, we gonna get PAID tonight. I can smell some dick in the air.” The other laughed and said “Bitch, I burped!”
Q.) What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A.) A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.
The other day April and I took off to do a little window-shopping. I didn’t care that much for the merchandise in the windows, but every now and again, a female sales clerk would catch my eye.
April caught me at it. “You’re like a kid in a candy store!”
“Yeah, well, since I’m married to you, I’m like a kid with diabetes in a candy store.”
Pastor: Do you know where little boys and girls go when they do bad things?
Johnny: Sure, out in back of the church yard.
Dave goes over to his best friend’s house, rings the doorbell, and the wife answers.
“Hi, Nora, is Tony home?”
“No, he went to the store.”
“Well, do you mind if I wait?”
“No, come on in.” They both have a seat in the kitchen. “You know, Nora, you have the greatest tits I have ever seen. I’d give you a hundred bucks if I could just see one.”
Nora thinks for a second and finally figures, what the hell, it’s for a hundred bucks. She opens her robe and shows Dave one of her breasts. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table.
They sit there a while longer and finally Dave says, “Nora, your tits are so beautiful… I’ve gotta see the two of them. I’ll give you another hundred bucks if I can see them both.”
Nora thinks it over briefly and again figures, what the hell, a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks. She opens her robe and gives Dave a good, long look. He thanks her and then throws another hundred bucks on the table.
Another ten minutes passes by… Dave can’t wait around any longer, so he leaves.
A while later, Tony arrives home and his wife says “Your weird friend, Chris, came over this afternoon.”
Replies Tony, “Did he drop off the two hundred bucks he owes me?”
Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won’t let her. As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears, and promises to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two conditions.
“First, you must wear a diaphragm.”
Cinderella agrees. “What’s the second condition?”
“You must be home by 2 a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin.”
Cinderella agrees to be home by 2. The appointed hour comes and goes, and Cinderella doesn’t show up. Finally, at 5 a.m., Cinderella shows up, looking love-struck and *very* satisfied.
“Where have you been?” demands the fairy godmother. “Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!”
“I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything.”
“I know of no prince with that kind of power! What was his name?”
“I can’t remember, exactly… Peter Peter, something or other…”
Q: Why is the roach clip called a roach clip?
A: Because pot holder was taken
Q: How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One. ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don’t even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldn’t be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they’ve been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS! But if they did, by some miracle, actually find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID FUCKING LIGHT BULBS CAME IN! WHY?! BECAUSE? NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!! IT’S A WONDER WE HAVEN’T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS SHITHOLE… IT’S A WONDER THE GODDAM COCKROACHES DON’T CARRY US ALL THE FUCK TO KINGDOM COME BUT NOBODY WANTS TO DO A DAN THING BUT SIT AROUND TEXTING ON THOSE SILLY FUCKING PHONES….
I’m sorry… what did you ask me?
